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Category Archives: Relationships

Who Are You?

This question is so cliche – we don’t even know the meaning of this question.

A few years ago, if someone would  have asked me this question, I would have looked at them straight in the eyes, while trying to keep a straight face, and I would have responded….” I am Glinda, the good witch of the South.”

What does this question mean and if we are anyone besides who we think we are, how would we know the answer?

That is the reason why this question is actually such an important one to answer…..because most likely we are not who we think we are.

A few years ago, I would have rolled my eyes and given a sarcastic answer to this question because I would have no other answer to give.

What kind of answer am I supposed to give?……I am Shayna Abrams, a married woman with children who likes music and loves to cook…..

I now realize that we are the infinite spirit inside of us and not the our finite bodies – nor are we the finite functions of our bodies –  that have been named by the ones who conceived us.

We are not just our names.  We are not just our jobs.  We are not just our particular enjoyments.  We are not just spouses.  We are not just parents.  We are not just friends.

We are far more than all of these things together.  When we limit ourselves to something as trite as the identifications above, we limit the power of ourselves – which is our spirit.

We are limiting ourselves to a finite thing rather an infinite being.

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Reflections of Yourself in Everyone You See

I don’t if this bothers everybody else the way it bothers me….but, it drives me crazy when people complain about the behaviors of others and then proceed to behave in the exact same way they themselves have just complained about.

It doesn’t bother me that they do it, it bothers me that they can’t see that they do it.

I am not bothered by the fact that they do it, because we all do it….but, try pointing it out to someone and watch their defense mechanism go up like a security gate at Area 51.

I don’t even bother trying to point out other people’s denials to them (directly), but I do realize that if other people are in denial…..I am in denial as well.

What I am in denial about is hard to say because I am in denial about it.

But….one way I try to figure it out is by listening to what those that I trust tell me. My kids and my husband are the best sources for this purpose. My daughters do not mince words when it comes to telling me when I am a hypocrite. Sometimes, I do not agree with their conclusions, but instead of becoming defensive, I try to think about what they are saying and if there is any behavior that is questionably hypocritical, I apologize for 1) behaving in a manor in which I have verbally stated that I disapprove of….and 2) disapproving of the behavior in the first place.

If I am able act in ways that I think are “wrong”….they may not be so wrong….who am I to judge?

But….if I proclaim to not like people who lie and I lie…..I should really try to stop lying….and denial is a form of lying.

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Trusting Your Spouse

There were a lot of trust issues between me and my ex-husband.  I learned early on in our relationship that he did not have the same respect for monogamy that I did…..and he didn’t hesitate to remind me daily that he liked his women with small breasts and less than 120 pounds  – which I wasn’t.

This all led to the inevitable – I cheated on him to make myself feel better and we eventually got divorced….but the remnants of distrust for all men world wide lingered, yet I got married to my second husband anyway.

I put him through the ringer.  I did not trust anything.  I didn’t trust his breathing.  If he breathed a little too loudly during a movie scene, I would think that he is fantasizing about the girl in the scene.

I was ridiculous….but for some reason he stayed with me.

Nowadays, I completely trust him.  He has earned it.

But….what about those guys that have not necessarily earned trust – but need to be trusted for the sake of the relationship.  Those guys that don’t cheat or even want to cheat, but they act like guys so it is hard to tell.

I am going to be honest here and say that despite the fact that I have absolutely no reason at all to suspect my husband of any funny business, due to my deep rooted insecurities, I occasionally can’t help the thought that creeps through every once in a while whispering in my ear that I better be smarter and watch my back.

Not only do I have this thought completely on my own….it doesn’t help that I have had friends in the past suggest the same thing.

Even some of you who are reading this are probably thinking that I shouldn’t be so naive and make sure to  take heed of the “signs” mentioned above.

You see how far my paranoia can go?

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Multitasking…a Woman’s Road to Hell

Why do we do it?

Why do we feel the need to be perfect?

Perfect body, perfect hair, perfect make up, perfect career, perfect clothes, perfect home, perfect children, perfect life……..

And…since there aren’t enough hours in one day to do everything perfectly – we multitask.

We talk business during our yoga class. .  We keep up with  the latest fashion trends at work…..We take care of errands on our lunch break…..We clean the house and cook dinner while trying to pay attention to our children…..And we sleep while our husbands are waiting for us to tell them it is a good night to be intimate.

Why do we do this?  Who are we doing everything for?

If you are single and you have a great career that affords you the luxury of pampering yourself – great!!…..But…..how do you expect to add a husband and children into the mix…..unless you give part of that lifestyle up?

Some of you say its no problem….I can do it all.  I am woman.  Hear me roar.

But I want you to be honest with yourself…..we all have to do it at some point in our life…..can anyone really do it ALL – and not fail at something?

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Doing “Good Deeds” for Others is Overrated

I ran across an interesting post that implied that we do not need to do “good” deeds for others….here’s the link: Get Happy Tip – Don’t Do Good Deeds

I have never really wanted to come out and say it like that (although I always admire straight forward honesty)…I am glad that I have the opportunity to express how true this statement is to me.

First of all, the reason that I never wanted to write a post about the fact that we don’t have to do “good” deeds in order to be happy is because most spiritual books that you will read in your life imply that doing good for others brings happiness……which is something that I also agree with.

Another reason I have not come right out and said these words is because I find that people don’t like to accept certain aspects of themselves which makes it hard to convey the fact that doing “good deeds” can really be a very selfish act.

In fact, I believe that in most cases it is…..due to the fact that most of us delude ourselves and deny the true intentions behind our behavior.

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My Taste Buds are Better Than Yours..Nah Nah Na Boo Boo

I happened to have gone to Culinary School, and though I do not cook for a living, I love to cook for my husband and my children- especially since they appreciate what ever it is I make for them.

And….if they don’t like it, no harm done when they tell me.  I just won’t make that dish for them anymore.

But what really drives me crazy (and feel free to assume I am), is when I cook something for someone and they take one bite and don’t eat it the rest (but they will eat pizza and french fries every day) and insinuate that it wasn’t good enough for them to eat.

You know what I am talking about….those people who smile politely and say they are full, but then ask you right afterwards “So, you went to culinary school?”

You know those people….the ones that are picky about everything they eat and they think that it is because their taste buds are more refined…..yet, they only eat three kinds of food.

I know all of you have been to a wedding and had to sit at a table listening to one or two people bad mouthing the food the entire night….while the others at the table sit there and nod their heads in agreement and don’t eat because they are afraid to eat in front of the morons bashing it.

We have all witnessed others tell someone to their face that they loved the meal and then the minute the host  leaves the room they mutter something nasty under their breath about how inedible the food was just for a laugh from the people listening.

I have even been at a table where my friend cooked dinner and invited her in-laws  – and her in-laws – AS WELL AS HER HUSBAND – spent the evening telling her that she needs to learn how to cook – and they are willing to give her lessons.

I had to leave the table.

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Posted by on February 17, 2012 in Relationships

 

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Cleanliness is Next to Godliness, but Judging Others is Not

There is nothing better than being clean.  Keeping your house clean and your body clean does have a way of keeping your mind clean….and, in my opinion, the cleaner your mind is – the more connected to G-d (or The Life Force of the Universe) you can be.

But…..when someone says to another person “cleanliness is next to Godliness” and proceeds to dictate how clean the person should be in order to fulfill the meaning of this saying, I doubt that judging another person’s cleanliness is what this phrase is trying to teach us.  Furthermore, to use God as a reason to judge others (especially in trivial matters), probably isn’t the best idea since none of us have any idea what God’s intention is for another person besides ourselves – and to presume that we do, I think, is a drop egotistical.

And I doubt that God intends for us to be egotistical.  Just saying.

Not only that, but the saying “cleanliness is next to Godliness” isn’t even a real “Biblical” saying and “don’t judge another until you are in his shoes” has a lot of Biblical sources…..take a look….

Source for “Cleanliness is next to Godliness”

It does not come from the bible. In fact, until the time of the renaisance, bathing was oft seen as sinful, regarding the body as more important than the spirit. Bathing was also strongly associated with the “decadent” Romans. It’s origins seems to be in the writings of Francis Bacon. In his ‘Advancement of Learning’ (1605) he wrote: ‘Cleanness of body was ever deemed to proceed from a due reverence to God.’ Near two centuries later John Wesley in one of his sermons (1791) indicated that the proverb was already well known in the form we use today. Wrote Wesley: ‘Slovenliness is no part of religion.’Cleanliness is indeed next to Godliness.'” From “Morris Dictionary of Word and Phrase Origins” by William and Mary Morris (HarperCollins, New York, 1977, 1988). There are a couple more details in “Random House Dictionary of Popular Proverbs and Sayings” (1996) by Gregory Y. Titelman (Random House, New York, 1996): “.According to the fourteenth edition of ‘Brewer’s Dictionary of Phrase and Fable,’ it is an old Hebrew proverb used in the late 2nd century by Rabbi Phinehas ben-Yair. First attested in the United States in the ‘Monthly Anthology and Boston Review’ (1806). The proverb is found in varying forms.” (Yahoo Answers)

Read Cleanliness is Next to Godliness – the Talmudic Source if you are curious to see the original source and how this phrase became known as a “Biblical” saying.

SOME  sources for “Do not judge another unless you are in his shoes”

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