Most people have experienced what it is like to “love” someone and then a few years later (sometimes even a few days later) hate that same person’s guts. How does this happen? How can we be so enamored with someone one day and want to inflict physical harm on them the next. Why does this phenomenon seem to limited to relationships between the opposite sex? I say this because we usually don’t have passionate love for someone of the same sex (assuming we are heterosexual – see note above).
I want to start to break this concept down by first talking about the different kinds of “love” that we might be familiar with. There is love for parents, children, friends, teachers, relatives, celebrity figures, boyfriends, spouses, political affiliations……I could keep going, but my point is – there is really no specific definition of “love”.
I am using the adjective “passionate” to define the initial love between man and woman. What I mean by passionate is intense sensual or sexual desire that induces emotions. Passionate (according to my definition), as I am sure most people are aware, is not the same type of feelings we have for our parents or our children and most of us would say that we love them as well. So, based on this we can say what most of us know to be true – just because we are achingly attracted to someone does not mean that we “love” them yet it feels like we do and will sell our mind, body and soul (sometimes) to be with them. So….my next question is – why were we created like this? In other words…why do we have to endure the confusion? It seems like a cruel joke on the surface. It feels like the Life Force of the Universe is playing games with us and just wants us to be miserable. Think about – in the beginning – someone or something (or whatever you think happened “in the beginning”) put two kinds of people together, man and woman. He, She or It created us with a physical need for each other. assumingly, inorder to procreate (face it, without the need or the will to procreate, we probably wouldn’t be here). BUT…He, She or It also made sure that we don’t understand how the other thinks because that would make life too easy. What kind of trick is this? Is our creator (whatever you define as your creator) looking for some sort of amusement – OR – maybe male and female relationships provide an avenue for growth that no other relationship can provide and without this, what some may describe as painful and other may describe as wonderful, experience we may be short changing ourselves and possibly slowing down our spiritual evolution.
Everyone who has ever been in a relationship with the opposite sex, knows how hard it is to maintain. Some people don’t even try and never get past the courting or dating phase. Others get married, because they may think that is the obvious next step, but end up getting divorced – like myself. Others stay married, but are unsatisfied on the inside resulting in constant fighting -or- the opposite – complete avoidance within the walls of what is supposed to be our comfort zone – our home. Still others put a good presentation up to everyone on the outside, but think they can fulfill their emotional needs by cheating and being dishonest with themselves and the people around them. Imagine what it could be like if we all actually accepted the differences between man and woman and learned what the other has to offer and maybe incorporate those differences into our own personalities and by doing so would be able to live a harmonious, peaceful, conflict-free life with a person that you love and trust and never want to be apart from. Sounds like my version of heaven on earth.
I truly think this state of being is possible if we just let our guard down. Assume that you are together because you really do love eachother and want the best for eachother. Create a bond of trust and from there explore eachother’s feelings. Try and actually feel what the other is trying to communicate to you. The same way each of us are desperate for our significant other to understand our feelings, we must also take the time to understand theirs. Everyone has feelings. I think we have learned over thousands of years to put aside our feelings and insist that others should to. It is time to come full circle and let those feelings out. We also must learn to accept other people’s feelings. Acceptance allows you to open your heart to loving that person instead of judging them to be against you – or – “the enemy”. This concept can apply to our relationship with anybody, but since we have been wired to really desire the opposite sex (most of the time – see note above), it would be in our best interest to try our hardest and learn or “know” the other person that we chose to spend the rest of our lives with and not end up judging them to be our “enemy”.
P.S. I feel comfortable saying these things as if I know, because I have made a conscious decision to try and understand the mind of my current husband, and this decision – though hard work – has paid off by leaps and bounds. I love my current spouse and I do want to spend the rest of my, hopefully, long life with him and my home is my comfort zone as well as my heaven on earth!!
NOTE: I am a heterosexual woman and I have no way of discussing homosexuality as I have never experienced the feeling of being homosexual. I am only able to have passionate loving feelings towards men. Accordingly, I am not able to make an argument for or against homosexuality – as I don’t quite understand it. If you happen to be homosexual and would like to respond to this blog – I encourage you to do so, as this is the purpose of my blog – to open my eyes as well as others so that we can become less judgemental collectively and enable ourselves to evolve to higher states of being. Please forgive me if I have offended anyone, but again, if I may have – please voice it out – PEACEFULLY!!
Other posts you might like:
Gender Balance – Have We Achieved It?
Bachelor Parties – What a Funny Way to Start a Marriage
God Put the Tree There on Purpose
Releasing Emotions Makes us Human
peaceful controversy 
Dylan Artist
January 3, 2012 at 1:48 am
he blog was how do i say it… relevant, finally something that helped me. Thanks